My October Post

This month was not the bee's knees, but it was close. Maybe we could call it the ant's ankles.

On the good side of things, I have a new job. I start on Thursday. So almost exactly two years since I was (ex)terminated from the TV world, I now have new life in the fascinating world of Computer Aided Drafting.

On the bad (dark) side of things, I haven't written anything since July (this would be the reasoning behind my cryptically short posts the last two months). That should change with the change of jobs. I feel like I'll have more time and less distraction.

We'll see.

My September Post

This month was better.

My August Post

This month has sucked.

Dexter Season 4

I can't Wait!

John August's Superheroic Scene Challenge

I wrote a scene for John August's Superheroic Scene Challenge. I can't seem to get it to work on his blog, so it likely will not qualify and will never appear on his blog. So I'll post it here. And no one will read it.

I call it SUPERZEROS.

EXT. MUSEUM OF UBIQUITIES -- DAY

A dilapidated building that looks like it should be in a museum of antique museums.

AT THE ENTRANCE

MARBLE COLUMNS bracket tremendous OAK DOORS.

DETERMINED MOM lugs her BRATTY KID up the cracked steps.

BRATTY KID

I don't like dinosaurs no more.

DETERMINED MOM

Well, they have other stuff.

BRATTY KID

Dad can afford to take me to a movie.

DETERMINED MOM

Well, it isn't his weekend. Trust me, you'll like this place better.

BRATTY KID

Dad can afford to buy me two boxes of Goobers.

DETERMINED MOM

Well, maybe next weekend I'll conveniently forget to pack your Adderall, and then your dad can shit a --

BRICKHOUSE

THE STAFF OF SEEING in his cinder block hand, CRASHES through the oak doors, sending splinters the size of baseball bats raining down around the quibbling mother and son.

A dark wet stain grows on the little boy's jeans as the mother pulls him to the ground.

Brickhouse BOUNDS over them and POUNDS down WASHINGTON AVENUE, charging the gathering POLICE BLOCKADE.

THE MUFFIN MADAME and LYRICO sprint through the gaping wooden hole.

THE MUFFIN MADAME

He's gonna tear up the whole city!

LYRICO

He's mighty, mighty. Just lettin' it all hang out.

MR. MAMMORY tip toes up behind them. BABY BOY hangs loosely in the Baby Bjorn between his massive breasts.

MR. MAMMORY

Shhh. I finally got him down.

THE MUFFIN MADAME

Where's Sporadicus?

LYRICO

I just called to say I love you.

TWO BLOCKS AWAY

the blockade cops OPEN FIRE on Brickhouse. The bullets RICOCHET off Brickhouse like you'd expect them to ricochet off a man made of stone and clay.

MR. MAMMORY

I'd love to be made of bricks.

THE MUFFIN MADAME

You should be proud of what you have. I know plenty of woman a lot tougher than that jackass.

MR. MAMMORY

I'm not a women, I just have breasts.

LYRICO

Ooh what a funky lady. She like it, like it, like it, like that.

MEXICAN JUMPING BEAN plummets from the sky, CAPTAIN SPORADICUS on his back.

They SLAM into the ground, but Sporadicus SPRINGS UP smiling.

Mexican Jumping Bean lies on the ground panting.

MEXICAN JUMPING BEAN (SUBTITLE)

I have never jumped so high before. Maybe this man should ride me more often.

They look down at him.

MR. MAMMORY

Did he say menudo?

LYRICO

Cuando estoy contigo no se ni quien soy no se ni como hacer.

BRICKHOUSE

TOSSES a SQUAD CAR over his shoulder. It TOPPLES past the Superzeroes.

CAPTAIN SPORADICUS

I'll take him from the front, Mammory, you get him from behind.

MEXICAN JUMPING BEAN (SUBTITLE)

Yes, the shemale is best from behind.

Captain Sporadicus snatches a WALKIE-TALKIE from his UTILITY BELT, tosses it to Lyrico.

LYRICO

What's the frequency, Kenneth?

CAPTAIN SPORADICUS

I got them at the dollar store. Can they even change frequency?

A ROOKIE COP

DASHES past them, SCREAMS.

A RED BRICK

HURTLES over them, SMASHES into the cop's back.

BABY BOY (O.S.)

So, The Sporadic Wonder is gonna take a wrecking ball to Brickhouse.

Mr. Mammory looks down to find the infantile old man wide awake.

MR. MAMMORY

Jeez, he's gonna be up all night now.

CAPTAIN SPORADICUS

I'm not going to hurt Brickhouse. I'm going to save him.

BABY BOY

Cause you could hurt a man made of masonry?

CAPTAIN SPORADICUS

I am a son of Zeus. If the power strikes me right --

MEXICAN JUMPING BEAN (SUBTITLE)

I checked on Wikipedia, Zeus didn't have a son named Sporadicus. But we all know how reliable Wikipedia can be. Am I right?

They all stare at Mexican Jumping Bean in confusion.

THE MUFFIN MADAME

We have to get this guy in some ESL classes.

AN EXPLOSION

rocks the ground around them. They look up to see

AN ARMORED VEHICLE

protruding from the roof of the museum.

CAPTAIN SPORADICUS

Listen, just because you're older than the rest of us, doesn't mean --

BABY BOY

Yeah, I'm old, but I ain't senile. You're going about this all wrong.

CAPTAIN SPORADICUS

What do you mean?

BABY BOY

I mean that Doctor Diego has some reason for using them to destroy things. Maybe he's sending a message to the world.

CAPTAIN SPORADICUS

Crazy mad scientist kidnaps the Earth's superheroes and brainwashes them to send a message. So he's Michael Moore now.

BABY BOY

And what do you think is happening?

CAPTAIN SPORADICUS

I think I'm letting a senior citizen cursed with a pecker that never even began working keep me from my destiny.

Captain Sporadicus shoves his chin in the air, RACES toward the WAR between Brickhouse and the Police.

Baby Boy's BOTTOM LIP quivers.

LYRICO

This is what it sounds like when doves cry.

Baby Boy SHRIEKS in anger and indignity.

MR. MAMMORY

Great. I already gave him his last bottle. Now what're we gonna do?

Lyrico and Mexican jumping bean STARE at his chest.

He looks down to see TWO WET CIRCLES forming on his breasts.

MR. MAMMORY (CONT'D)

What the hell?

The Muffin Madame slings her arm around him.

THE MUFFIN MADAME

Don't worry, hon. It's perfectly natural.

She holds up her hand.

A MUFFIN

appears out of thin air.

THE MUFFIN MADAME (CONT'D)

Her ya go. Bran is good for the milk.

Captain Sporadicus, SINGED and BEATEN, runs up to them, SCREAMS.

CAPTAIN SPORADICUS

My powers...I thought they were working today!

LYRICO

Because you had a bad day. You're taking one down. You sing a sad song just to turn it around.

The Superzeroes SCUTTLE away from the museum as debris falls from the sky like a gully washer in hell.

Brickhouse RAMS into the FEDERAL BANK TOWER sending it toppling over onto the few remaining POLICEMEN.

Determined Mom and Bratty Kid cower behind what remains of the oak doors.

DETERMINED MOM

I wish we'd gone to the movies.

BRATTY KID

I wish dad was here.

Back on IndieTalk

I've been away from one of my favorite places for about two years.

IndieTalk.com

I can't really explain why. Well, I could but I choose not to.

Anyway, I'm back now. Come join me.

So Um, About That First Draft...

The one for the Secret Screenplay Idea.

I finished it.

It ain't as good as I hoped. But I finished it.

INT. WORK ROOM

Nick BANGS the keyboards, tries to make sense of what appears on the screen.

NICK

Sweet! Act One is done!

He raises his fist in solidarity for all other screenwriters sitting alone in a room.

INT. WORK ROOM -- DAYS LATER

Nick TAPS the keys with a dancer's grace, smiles.

NICK

Act Two, I'm through with you!

His cheeks flush red as he realizes that he's a huge dork.

INT. WORK ROOM -- WEEKS LATER

Nick SLAPS his palm to his forehead.

NICK

Act Three, why are you being such a fantastic pain?

He stares into

THE BLANK NOTHINGNESS

and his soul DISSOLVES.

You see, since my Secret Screenplay Idea (t'ain't new no mo') is a apocalyptic tale, I was zooming along ninety-to-nothin' on the open freeway when I slammed into an abandoned car on the clogged bottle neck of Act Three. The only chance I had of finding the other side was negotiating little gaps in the wreckage.

It turned out that Act Four was just as treacherous, if not more so. The problem getting through the borderland was the fact that I'd spent so much time laughing about how easy it was to get through the first two acts that I found myself lacking in the solutions and weapons departments when the baddies attacked me in the middle of Act Four.

I made it through the wilderness. Somehow I made it through. Yet I can't help but feel that I haven't found a new utopia or even a safe haven. I feel more like I've found a dilapidated house with a basement full of flesh starved zombies.

Guess we'll see when I get to the second draft (after tackling draft numero dos of "The Next Big Lance", of course).